can you spare a square?

I awoke this morning, (as I do most mornings), to read an article that cracked even me up.

While reading the BBC headlines I came across one that I had to investigate: "Singer Sheryl Crow calls for loo paper limit to fight climate change".

Now while I have always considered myself a stout environmentalist - even years before it was considered "cool to be green" - I think this is a bit much. Ms. Crow is campaigning for the world to use less toilet paper...and I quote; using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". Now I know that entertainers sit on the left side of the Lord but c'mon, 1-3 squares?? And what exactly are "pesky* occasions"? Is that what Missourians call taking a shit?

*pes·ky [pes-kee] –adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est. Informal. annoyingly troublesome: bothered by a pesky fly.

The only way I see that her campaign would work is if we all stopped eating. So I'm starting a new campaign - liquid diets for everyone! Just think, no more obesity - no more sad little children going to bed hungry - and best of all, think of all the money you'll save. Water is free! Hell, by my numbers, my $500 a month grocery budget would shrink by 75% by only purchasing Tang and milk.

Considering that a majority of TP is designed to deteriorate when wet in order to keep drainpipes clear, it doesn't all end up in landfills like say, tires. Perhaps she should be preaching walking everywhere. And what about all the fuel she and her entourage use while touring? There are many other consumer products that we could all be consciously conserving while not destroying our planet. The only one that crosses all genders, economics, races and religions doesn't have to be one of them.

Since I do not foresee purchasing a bidet any time soon, I suggest using Seventh Generation Bath Tissue. It's made from 100% recycled paper, with a minimum of 80% post-consumer materials used in its manufacturing.